- →98 questions across 12 categories, from aqeedah to context-specific
- →Aqeedah is deal-breaker #1. If you don't share the same foundation of belief, stop there.
- →Green/red flags at every question help you evaluate the answers
- →Interactive checklist + printable PDF included
I've seen couples divorce within three months because they never asked the hard questions. This guide exists so you don't make the same mistake.
Yet far too many Muslims enter marriage without having asked the right questions. The result? Misunderstandings, disappointment, and in the worst case divorce within the first year.
Sheikh al-Albani (rahimahullah) emphasized that choosing a spouse is the most important investment after the shahadah. You're not just choosing a person. You're choosing the parent of your children, your companion in the dunya, and your partner on the path to Jannah.
This guide contains 100 questions divided into 12 categories. Each category begins with an Islamic foundation and daleel, then concrete questions, and green/red flags to help you evaluate the answers. It is the most comprehensive nikah-preparation guide we've published in English — grounded in the Qur'an and Sunnah with the understanding of the lärda (scholars).
Important principle: All conversations should take place with the wali present or informed. A woman should not be alone with a non-mahram man. The conversations can happen by phone, by video call with the wali in the room, or in a public setting.
1. Aqeedah — the most important thing of all (DEAL-BREAKER)
If you don't share aqeedah, nothing else matters. This is the absolute deal-breaker.
1. What does tawheed mean to you? Can you explain tawheed ar-ruboobiyyah, tawheed al-uloohiyyah, and tawheed al-asma was-sifat in simple words?
2. What is your view on visiting graves and supplicating to the dead, calling upon awliya or prophets for help?
🟢 Green flag: Understands that du'a is directed only to Allah and that calling upon the dead is shirk. 🔴 Red flag: Thinks it's okay to pray at graves or call on the dead for shafa'a (intercession).
3. What do you think about mawlid (celebrating the Prophet's ﷺ birthday)? Do you observe it?
🟢 Green flag: Understands that mawlid is a bid'ah practiced by neither the Prophet ﷺ nor the sahaba. 🔴 Red flag: Insists on celebrating mawlid and considers it obligatory.
4. Do you follow a specific madhab? If so, how do you respond when a daleel (evidence) from the Qur'an and Sunnah contradicts your madhab's opinion?
🟢 Green flag: Follows daleel over blind madhab-following. 🔴 Red flag: Refuses to consider daleel if it contradicts their madhab.
5. Which scholars do you follow and take knowledge from? Name at least three.
🟢 Green flag: Names scholars known for the Salafi manhaj, such as Sheikh Ibn Baz (rahimahullah), Sheikh al-Albani (rahimahullah), Sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen (rahimahullah), Sheikh Salih al-Fawzan, Sheikh Rabee al-Madkhali. 🔴 Red flag: Follows known innovators, sufis, or sectarian preachers.
6. What is your view on bid'ah (innovation in religion)? Give examples of what you consider to be bid'ah.
7. Do you believe in qadar (divine decree), both its good and its bad? How do you handle hardships in life?
8. What is your view on tawassul (seeking means to draw close to Allah)? Do you distinguish between permitted and forbidden tawassul?
🟢 Green flag: Understands that tawassul through Allah's names, good deeds, and the du'a of living people is permitted, but seeking tawassul through the dead or their status is forbidden. 🔴 Red flag: Considers all forms of tawassul permissible, including through the dead.
2. Deen and daily practice
Deen is not about what you say. It is about what you do. Every day. These questions reveal whether the person lives their faith or only talks about it.
9. Do you pray all five prayers on time? Do you pray fajr on time every day, even on weekends?
🟢 Green flag: Prays all five on time, fajr without exception. Prays sunnah prayers regularly. 🔴 Red flag: Misses prayers regularly, doesn't pray fajr, has no plan to change.
10. How often do you read Qur'an? Have you memorized any? Do you understand what you read?
11. Do you fast outside of Ramadan? (Mondays, Thursdays, the white days, Ashura, Arafah)
12. Do you actively seek Islamic knowledge? How? (Listening to lectures, reading books, attending halaqat)
13. Is your income halal? Do you work in an industry where there are doubts (banking, insurance, serving alcohol)?
🟢 Green flag: Aware of halal income and avoids questionable industries. 🔴 Red flag: Works with riba, sells haram products, and sees no problem with it.
14. Brothers: do you keep a beard? Sisters: do you wear hijab/niqab? What is your view on these obligations?
15. Do you attend Islamic gatherings? Do you have a connection to a masjid community?
16. How do you view music, film, and entertainment? Where are your limits?
3. View of marriage and expectations
Marriage in Islam is a solemn covenant (mithaqan ghaleedhan, Surah an-Nisa 4:21). It is not just a romantic relationship. It is an ibadah. These questions reveal whether you share the same vision.
17. Why do you want to get married right now? What is your primary motivation?
18. What do you expect from marriage? Write down your three most important expectations.
19. How do you view the role of love in marriage? Do you expect to be in love from day one, or do you expect love to grow?
20. What is your view on polygyny (plural marriage)? Is it something you are considering, now or in the future?
🟢 Green flag: Has an honest and clear position, whatever it is. Respects that it is permitted in Islam but understands the conditions. 🔴 Red flag: Lies, avoids the question, or has hidden plans.
21. What is most important to you in a spouse? Rank: deen, character, looks, education, finances.
22. What do you expect the first year of marriage to look like? What challenges do you anticipate?
23. Have you been married before? If so, what did you learn and why did it end?
24. Do you have any expectations you know are deal-breakers if not met?
4. Roles and rights (Huquq)
25. What does qiwamah (the husband's responsibility) mean to you in practice? How do you exercise leadership in the home?
🟢 Green flag: Understands that qiwamah means responsibility, consultation (shura) with the wife, and mercy. Not dictatorship. 🔴 Red flag: Sees qiwamah as total control, or denies the husband's role entirely.
26. What does nafaqah (the husband's duty of provision) mean to you? Does it include housing, food, clothing, and healthcare?
27. Does the wife have the right to keep her own income without contributing to the household? What do you say if she wants to work?
28. Who is to manage the household? What happens if the wife also works full-time?
🟢 Green flag: The Prophet ﷺ helped at home. Aisha (radiyallahu anha) reported that he mended his own clothes and repaired his own sandals. 🔴 Red flag: Refuses any form of help in the home and demands the wife do everything.
29. How should major decisions be made in your home? (Moving, the children's school, large purchases)
30. Where do you draw the line for in-laws' influence on your marriage?
31. Does the wife have the right to visit her family whenever she wants? Does the husband have the right to restrict it?
32. What is your view on the wife studying or pursuing further education after nikah?
5. Family and relationships
33. What does your relationship with your family look like? Close, distant, complicated?
34. What role do you expect in-laws to play in your marriage?
Gillar du den har artikeln?
Prenumerera pa vart nyhetsbrev och fa liknande artiklar direkt i din inbox.
35. Do you plan to live near or with your parents? Does your family expect that?
🟢 Green flag: Respects parents but sets clear marital boundaries. 🔴 Red flag: Mom's word always trumps the spouse's, or refuses any contact with in-laws.
36. If a conflict arises between your spouse and your family, how do you handle it?
37. Does your family expect you to support them financially? (Sending money abroad, paying for siblings)
38. How do you view cultural traditions that have no Islamic basis but that your family expects? (Big weddings, culture-based mahr demands)
39. Do you have family members with addiction issues, mental health challenges, or other situations that could affect your marriage?
40. How do you view inviting guests over? How often? Who decides?
6. Communication and conflict
How you communicate determines whether your marriage survives. Not your feelings. Your habits.
41. How do you express anger? (Silence, raised voice, walking away, talking directly)
🟢 Green flag: Takes a pause, makes wudu, prays. Then talks calmly. 🔴 Red flag: Yells, throws things, gives the silent treatment for days, threatens divorce.
42. Do you use the silent treatment when you are angry?
43. If we have a conflict, do you think we should involve outsiders? Who? (Imam, family, therapist)
44. How do you apologize when you've done wrong? Can you give an example?
45. How quickly do you forgive? Do you hold grudges?
47. How do you communicate your needs? Do you expect your partner to "just understand" without you saying it?
48. How do you make important decisions? Impulsively, after consultation, or through istikharah?
7. Finance and provision
49. What does your financial situation look like right now? Income, savings, debts. Be honest.
50. Do you have debts? If so, what type? Student loans, consumer loans, credit card debt?
51. What is your view on riba (interest)? Do you have interest-based loans? Do you plan to take a mortgage with interest?
🟢 Green flag: Actively avoids riba, seeks halal alternatives, or has a plan to become riba-free. 🔴 Red flag: Sees no problem with interest, takes loans without thought, or lies about debts.
52. How should household finances work? Joint account, separate accounts, or a combination?
53. The husband's duty of nafaqah is clear in Islam, but how should it work in practice? How much of the income goes to the household?
54. If the wife works, what happens with her income? Do you expect her to contribute?
55. Do you have financial responsibility for other family members? (Sending money to parents, siblings abroad)
56. What is your view on saving and investing? Do you save actively?
57. Housing: rent or buy? If buying, how do you relate to mortgages and Islamic financing?
8. Children and upbringing
58. Do you want children? When? How many?
59. If Allah doesn't give you children, how do you handle it? What is your view on adoption (kafala) and fertility treatment?
60. How should the children be raised Islamically? Qur'an memorization, Arabic, Islamic schooling?
61. Public school, Islamic school, or homeschooling? Which do you prefer and why?
🟢 Green flag: Has a clear plan for the children's Islamic upbringing regardless of school choice. 🔴 Red flag: "We'll figure it out as we go" without a plan, or sees no risk in a secular upbringing.
62. How should you discipline children? What is permitted and what is not?
63. Which language(s) will be spoken at home? Local language, Arabic, mother tongue, or mixed?
64. How do you handle the children's contact with non-Muslim classmates? Birthday parties, sleepovers, activities?
65. Should the children participate in non-Islamic seasonal celebrations at school (Christmas crafts, Halloween, etc.)? Where do you draw the line?
9. Health and lifestyle
Soker du sjalv nikah?
Zawji ar gratis halal matchmaking for muslimer i Norden. Las mer →
66. Do you have any chronic illnesses, mental health conditions, or medications your partner should know about?
🟢 Green flag: Honest and open about health, even hard things. 🔴 Red flag: Hides serious health issues that affect the marriage.
67. Are you willing to do a health check before nikah? (Blood tests, genetic screening)
68. Do you exercise regularly? What is your view on physical health?
69. What does your diet look like? Are you careful about halal, including additives and slaughter method?
70. How much time do you spend on social media? Which platforms do you use?
71. Do you have any addictions or habits you struggle with? (Screen time, smoking, etc.)
72. What are your sleep habits? Morning person or night owl?
73. How do you handle stress and pressure? Have you experienced burnout?
10. Intimacy — respectful but necessary
74. What expectations do you have for the intimate relationship in marriage?
75. Do you know the Islamic rulings on intimacy? (What is permitted, forbidden, adab)
76. What is your view on contraception? Is it permitted? Under what circumstances?
77. If there are problems in the intimate relationship, how do you think you should handle them? Are you willing to seek help?
78. Do you have a past you feel your partner should know about, without details?
🟢 Green flag: Has made tawbah, conceals sins (as Islam urges) but is honest about anything that affects the marriage. 🔴 Red flag: Lies outright about things that directly affect the partner, or boasts about sins.
80. What is your view on speaking openly about intimate needs with your spouse after nikah?
11. Conflict management and divorce
81. What would lead you to consider divorce? Where is your line?
82. What is your view on talaq (divorce)? Do you see it as a last resort or something to threaten with?
🟢 Green flag: Sees talaq as a last resort after mediation, always tries to resolve conflicts first. 🔴 Red flag: Threatens divorce at every argument, or sees divorce as completely unthinkable regardless of what happens.
83. If we have a serious conflict, do you accept that we bring in a mediator (imam, older family member)?
84. Do you have experience with divorce, your own or close family's? What did you learn?
85. If we divorce, how do you think the children should be handled? What does Islam say about custody (hadanah)?
86. What is your view on khul' (when the wife seeks divorce)?
87. How do you handle it if you discover that your partner lied about something important?
88. Is there anything in your past — legal, medical, or personal — that your partner should know before nikah?
12. Context-specific questions
Being a Muslim in a Western secular society means unique challenges that Muslims in Muslim-majority countries don't face. These questions help you discuss the reality you live in. (Sweden-specific examples are included where relevant — adapt to your own country.)
89. What is your view on cohabitation vs. nikah? Many in our society live together unmarried. How do you relate to this?
90. Do you plan to register the nikah civilly (legal marriage in your country) in addition to Islamically?
🟢 Green flag: Understands the importance of legal protection, especially for the wife and children. 🔴 Red flag: Refuses legal registration without valid reason.
91. How will you raise Muslim children in a secular society? What is your strategy?
92. How do you handle children being invited to non-Islamic seasonal events at school (Christmas parties, Halloween, etc.)?
93. What is your view on staying in your current country long-term? Do you want to stay, move to a Muslim-majority country, or are you open?
94. Which masjid community do you belong to? How active are you?
95. What is your view on halal food in a Western context? Do you trust certifications, or do you slaughter yourself?
96. What is your view on the welfare system in your country? Is it permissible to use?
97. How do you handle Islamophobia and discrimination in the workplace or in daily life?
98. If you have a foreign background, how do you balance your culture with Islam? What happens when they collide?
Deal-breakers — a summary
There are things that are Islamic deal-breakers and things that are personal preferences. Don't mix them up.
Islamic deal-breakers (non-negotiable): - Incorrect aqeedah (shirk, grave-worship, serious bid'ah) - Abandoning prayer entirely (Sheikh Ibn Baz and Sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen held that one who abandons prayer has left Islam) - Open sin without tawbah (zina, riba, alcohol) - Bad character (abuse, lying, deceit) - Refusing Islamic rights (nafaqah, good treatment)
Personal preferences (negotiable): - Looks, height, skin tone - Ethnicity or cultural background - A specific level of education - City or location - Cooking skills
Don't confuse deen with culture. A man who prays, has good character, and supports his family but is not from "the right" country is better than one from your culture who doesn't pray.
How to use these questions — 5 steps
Step 1: Prepare yourself first. Before you ask the questions of anyone else, answer them yourself. Write down your answers. You can't demand something you don't live up to yourself.
Step 2: Involve your wali. Sisters: your wali (father, brother, paternal uncle, or another mahram) should be present at the conversations or at least informed of the process. Brothers: respect her wali and communicate with him.
Step 3: Take it in stages. Don't try to go through all 100 questions in one go. Plan 4-6 sittings of 60-90 minutes each. One category per sitting.
Step 5: Make istikharah. After going through the questions and feeling satisfied, pray salat al-istikharah and trust Allah. If it is khair, Allah will make it easy, and if it is not, Allah will turn it away.
Words of wisdom from the Salaf
Al-Hasan al-Basri (rahimahullah) said: "If a man comes to you whose deen and character pleases you, marry him to your daughter. If you do not, there will be great corruption and devastation on earth."
Umar ibn al-Khattab (radiyallahu anhu) said to a man: "Do not deprive your daughter of her right by marrying her off to an ungodly man. His ungodliness is oppression against her."
Sheikh al-Fawzan said: "The most important thing when choosing a wife is that she is religious, has good character, and that her family is known for goodness. Beauty without deen is a trial."
A du'a for the one seeking a spouse
The Prophet Zakariyya (alayhi as-salam) prayed in his solitude:
And the general du'a:
Make these du'a regularly. In sujood, after salah, and on Fridays.
Where Zawji fits in
Zawji is built to support the whole journey — from finding a potential partner to having the decisive conversations. Our platform offers:
- Wali verification. Sisters cannot be contacted without wali approval.
- Detailed profiles. All the fields needed for an informed decision.
- Moderated messaging. Safe communication with auto-filter + daily admin review.
- Full privacy. Your data is never shared without consent.
Sign up free at zawji.se and start your journey toward a halal marriage built on the Qur'an and Sunnah.
May Allah bless your search and grant you a spouse who is a comfort for your eyes and a strength for your deen.
Från Seerah
Ali and Fatimah, the Prophet's ﷺ own daughter
When Ali ibn Abi Talib (radiyallahu anhu) wished to marry Fatimah (radiyallahu anha), his mahr was two pieces of armor. The Prophet ﷺ asked him about his finances, his plans, and his deen. He tested Ali — not to make it difficult, but to make sure his daughter would have a good husband. Every wali should do the same.
an-Nasa'i, Sunan al-Kubra
Var denna artikel hjälpsam?
SHARE THIS POST
Grundare av Zawji — gratis, wali-verifierad halal matchmaking for muslimer i Norden och varlden.
Fordjupa dig pa islam.nu -- Sveriges storsta islamiska kunskapsresurs.
Vanliga frågor
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ encouraged knowing your future spouse thoroughly. Marriage is a covenant, not something to enter blindly. These questions help you discover whether you share values, expectations, and life goals.
No. Pick the questions most important for your situation. Some couples need to talk more about finance; others about raising children. What matters is honest conversation.
According to Islamic practice, the wali should be present or informed. At Zawji we strongly encourage involving the wali, especially in later stages.
Plan for 4-6 sittings of 1-2 hours each. Some couples spread it over several weeks.
In Islam, honesty before marriage is encouraged. No questions on this list are inappropriate. They are necessary.
Var denna artikel till hjälp?
Leta halal matchningar i ditt område
Zawji har 600+ verifierade profiler i Norden.
Se profiler i Stockholm →Missa inte nasta artikel
Fa nya guider, tips och nyheter om halal matchmaking i Sverige.
Ingen spam. Avregistrera nar som helst.